I didn’t really intend for this blog to be one to update monthly, but it looks like that’s just about what it’s going to be. Which is fine by me, and hopefully by the few people who read this (I like to pretend no one does even though I know some people do). I can say I’ll try to blog again sooner, but who knows at this point. I think part of it is because I feel like my life is pretty boring as of now…I’m no longer in school. To sum up my current job(s), I’m self employed and do a bunch of things to make money. Which I guess is sort of exciting, but to me I guess it feels like it’ll be boring to read compared to when I started this blog. The other thing is I feel like at least the past 2 months, my mental health has been relatively good. But again, I started this blog to gain awareness of what it’s like living with mental illnesses, part of that is having some good months. Bottom line though is we’ll see when I decide to blog again. I think it’s safe to say at least a month from now, maybe sooner.
So what have I been up to? Babysitting twice a week as well as teaching in 3 different schools twice a week as well. Most of which I like to believe is going really well. On the babysitting side, the kid has definitely gotten used to seeing me twice a week and has gotten much more comfortable. I’ve learned all sort of random things, like pretty much all the names of the Paw Patrol pups. Also that people aren’t kidding when they say potty training a kid is hard work…sheesh. But kids can be cute sometimes. Flute teaching wise I continue to learn every week. Even going from one class to the next. I’m also SOOOOO much more comfortable with it and most of the students as groups. But as expected, some classes are easier than others and some days are easier than others.
Thinking back to how I felt when I first started compared to now though, I overall feel better. I think adhd medicine has helped a lot with this as well. In the moment, I’m not focused on my own thoughts and feelings as much, which sounds like a bad thing, but in this case not so much. I think the combo attack of anxious thoughts and adhd taking those thoughts and running wild with them was super difficult. Now if I’m feeling anxious or have a negative thought about myself while I’m teaching, it’s a bit easier to brush it off for the time being. I’m instead more focused on the student(s). How are they reacting to the information? Do they look like they understand? Are they playing better/did my instruction work? What’s a different way to explain this or that, etc. I’m much more focused on teaching. When I get home sometimes those negative thoughts come back, no surprise. It’s usually my typical feelings of basically sucking at teaching or not doing a good enough job at teaching. To which I’m able to remind myself that I’m still learning to teach. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. If it doesn’t, I have more things to turn to in order to not spiral. It could be painting, taking a bath/mini spa-like time, watching a tv show, playing a game or journaling. Speaking of, journaling every day has also been really helpful. I think, no, I know, I tend to bottle things up, so just sitting down at the end of the day and writing about whatever helps things not get so bottled up. But to sum all of this up- teaching is going better and I’m usually feeling pretty good.
Now for things that have happened outside of work. Practice is one, though that’s sort of related to work. I’ve been practicing more and more, which I think is partly due to the new meds and reigniting the spark. I have been so much more motivated lately to practice, more so than I have in years. Earlier in October, I got another chance to see The President’s Own Marine Band again, which was incredible. Someone I know- who’s sorta like an extra younger brother- had gotten tickets and I was happy to drive us up to Ohio to see them. They always do such a good job. I also got a chance to see the Northern Lights here in Kentucky!! I was super happy about that. I had missed them the last time people saw them in KY/WV because of the orchestral auditions I took, so I was pumped to see them! I also was able to play some ToonTown (idk if anyone knows the game, but it was def a big part of my childhood) with my sibling on Halloween, which was nice. I also have been hanging out more with my friend here- we both just randomly ask and decide to go do things the day of. Anything from going to eat somewhere, to driving to a college football game, to a middle school band concert, to getting a piercing…yeah…that last one was me lol. I got a new piercing a few days ago! I went in wanting a helix, but after looking at pictures of them and looking at my ear I was worried it wouldn’t work-which was basically confirmed when I got there. The piercer had suggested a conch, which is what I figured I’d do if I didn’t get a helix. So I’ve got a conch piercing now, which I honestly really like. Pain-wise, I mean it wasn’t good, but also not too bad in my opinion. Even the day after it wasn’t too bad, unless I bumped into it. I think that pretty much sums everything up!
by juniparker
