For some reason when I sat down to blog a few weeks ago, my website just refused to let me….and then I pretty much forgot to try again until now. So here we are. Even though it’s been like 2 months, there isn’t too much to go over.
We’ll start with work I suppose. November I taught a lot, and December I didn’t because there wasn’t as much school going on. I’m much much more comfortable teaching in the schools, though I still think I’d prefer to have my own private studio. This is a good starting point though. I think next school year my plan is to hopefully find a few more schools to teach at, for a few reasons. One- it’s just getting myself more experience/connections in order to eventually have a studio of my very own. And two- let’s be real, I could use the money. I also most likely won’t have the extra income from babysitting, so yeah. I have enjoyed getting to work with and also getting to know some of these students though. Moving into different work stuff if you want to call it that (I do), I’ve been doing a ton of planning, research and work for something coming hopefully next year sometime related to flute. I also have been trying to plan more social media videos and such. I also will be presenting at the mid-atlantic flute convention, which is really exciting, but almost equally scary. I’ve already had everything planned out and have been practicing my presentation, so hopefully that’ll go well in February.
Now mental health wise, these two months have been a bit of a rollercoaster. I tried a higher dose of vyvanse, as it wasn’t seeming to stay in my system for quite as long as I needed, and then I’d get some mood dip-age. This higher dose was AWFUL. I kept hoping it would get better, but it never did. So November was honestly filled with battling the side effects I had, one of those being my anxiety heightened. I had a panic attack one day after teaching in a school, I don’t even really remember why, but it was different than others I’ve experienced. It still went by unnoticed by everyone else, because I’m good at doing that, but I had some intense chest pain, my heart was racing, and I was on the verge of tears. It was more painful than emotional I feel. But I was able to get myself to relax (this went on for a few hours) by taking a bath, letting some tears fall when I was completely alone, breathing exercises, and watching stuff to help distract me. After that experience, I didn’t take my vyvanse for a week- which then made me struggle with getting things done and depression. Thankfully, I am back to that lower dose and have been for a few weeks now. I also got back onto prozac to see if that will help balance the little bit more anxiety I get from vyvanse, as well as reducing that mood dip. So far it’s alright. The vyvanse definitely helps with my depression more than any other medicine I’ve tried. When I don’t take it, I notice I usually am feeling a lot more down. I’m sure there’s some science behind it, but I don’t know. Either way, I learned what dose of vyvanse I need lol. I’ve also still been going to therapy pretty regularly, which has been nice. I think my biggest goal going into it was learning how to feel, which sounds kind of dumb. But I avoided feelings for a long time and would just shove them away. But now, I know how to handle them and let myself feel them and talk about them way more. I think the emdr therapy has helped with that a lot. We’ve also been switching a bit into more talk therapy- as we kind of revisited what my goals were for therapy. Since I’ve got the one pretty much good now, we’re moving onto other stuff, while finishing up others. Pretty vague, I know. I’m still figuring things out basically lol.
Other than work, I haven’t been up to too much. I played at a friend’s benefit recital, which was a lot of fun. I definitely miss playing flute with people. I also have been seeing and helping a friend out more as they have found out their mom has cancer. And then I’ve been doing the usual- watching shows, taking naps, painting, etc. Whatever I feel like doing when I don’t have work. It’s not super exciting lol. I did go to a Lindsey Stirling concert, which was super cool. And got a signed SKZ album, though I still am not completely sure who signed it. My sibling is coming home from Korea in a few days, which I’m excited about- it feels like it’s been forever since I’ve seen them.
I also didn’t realize that I’ve now had this blog for 2 years? That’s really crazy to think. It’s kind of cool to look back on though and see how much I’ve grown and changed. Here’s to year 3 and 2025!!
