A lot has happened and it feels like this week was a month long lol. I guess to start, we’ll go in order-ish. Thursday we had some prospective graduate students visit, which was cool. They went to my electronic music class with me and another flute student and then we had lunch and answered any questions they had and talked about the studio. It was alright, though I will say that is the kind of thing that makes me super anxious. I got through it, though it might have just seemed not that bad compared to getting to go to the doctor earlier that morning. It was fine, just another thing that makes me anxious. I needed a primary care doc here though for medication and all is good, but going to the doctor is just scary. For our studio class we ran through our concertos again, which I feel like was pretty good. Friday the only major thing that happened was, you guessed it, more run throughs of our concertos. Saturday was the big day of the competition. I didn’t win it, but I’m still extremely happy with the performance I gave. I finally played the piece without any memory slips and I feel like just overall it went really well and how I wanted it to. So now I have a good recording I can use and will likely upload on here when I get the recording back (a friend took care of it for me). I feel like I didn’t really practice much the last half of this week, mostly because I was more so running through the Chaminade. I definitely need to get back to it this week, and I’m hoping I can find the motivation to do so. After the competition was over on Saturday, I went out with some other flute friends, some who also were in the competition and some not, for some food. Afterwards, we ended up decided to go on a small hike to a waterfall nearby, which was cool! I brought Piper, which I worried about, as she can be a bit aggressive, but she did really well once we started walking! A few times she got upset over nothing, but by the end of the hike, she was quietly sitting as we talked.
It was really nice to spend the day with them and I had a lot of fun. I was however, still struggling on the whole insecurity of not fitting in or being a “good” flute player. I don’t know how to describe the feeling. Obviously, I really do like them and it’s nothing against them at all, it’s purely me and my messed up brain. But when we talk about flute related things, I just feel like an imposter who doesn’t know anything and I end up going down a rabbit hole wondering why I think I can be a musician. That part isn’t fun. But I’m trying not to think that way, or I should say I’m just trying to ignore it, which probably isn’t the best lol. On a lighter note, yesterday, well, I actually did nothing. I needed a break though, so I mostly just spent time with my dog, watched some TV, watched way to many tiktoks, etc. I did get boba once again….but they changed their lid tops and they’re so cute I have to share!
Oh! I also have my recital date set, hopefully lol. It is early March, which is slightly terrifying to me. I’m not sure I’ll be able to do the recital exactly as I hoped, but I think I can still do all of the pieces, but we’ll see how I feel when it gets closer.
by juniparker
