The Life Of A Mentally Ill Musician- Day 7

I feel like this weekend flew by and I did nothing, but I did quite a bit! I worked on getting as much done for my biology classes as possible, and I’m pretty much done after this next week of attendance. I did start on baking cookies for them, which has been a 2 day process and I’m still not done, but I’m going to bake more tomorrow and maybe later this week too if needed. Here’s the thing about cooking or baking in an apartment though: it sucks. No matter what I do, when I’m cooking in the oven, my smoke detectors will go off, which terrifies my dog. This apartment was no different and they’ve gone off both yesterday and today, my poor dog. She shakes in fear as she walks over to me so I can hold her. Turns out this isn’t just a me problem either, others say they have the same issues in their apartment. They’re so sensitive, like there’s no smoke in sight, no need to go off.

Saturday I spent most of my night on another composition, because once again I like this one now more than the other one I posted. I like this one, but I’m now struggling to come up with a flute part lol, which was the whole point of the piece… But I was so excited because after months of playing around in Ableton I finally figured out how to pan the sound!! After I finally peeled myself away from it though, I watched Princess Mononoke, which was really freaking good. Highly recommend, especially if you’re a Studio Ghibli fan.

I also surprisingly practiced this weekend! I find practicing on weekends to be so incredibly difficult. For me, it means I have to get up and out of bed to drive to campus and practice. Which like, duh. It sounds easy, but it’s hard for me to get the motivation to do so because it’s not like anyone is going to know if I’m there or not. Waking up to get to classes and practicing during the week is easy, because I’m already on campus and I have classes I need to be at unless I wanna fail. Having to practice being my only motivation for going to campus doesn’t usually work for me. I think part of it for today was once again meeting up with more flute players to play our pieces for each other from memory. Usually I just lay in bed all weekend :/ . It’s not good and I’m sure it doesn’t help my depression any, but it’s also just so hard. I worked a lot on placement and memory today, because 1. it makes me sound better and 2. I really don’t wanna embarrass myself at my jury playing from memory. This is now like the second piece I’ve memorized…and the other was earlier in the semester. I do have another motivating factor right now, that being I am pretty competitive and there may or may not be some words that have been spoken that have pushed me. I just want to prove people wrong, I don’t know. I hope that doesn’t sound bad, prove them wrong in the way that I can do more than they think. I’m trying to be broad here, ok. They definitely didn’t mean it in any hurtful way towards me at all, but it still makes me wanna make them eat their words. I say that, but at the same time I really struggle to understand why people support me and my career, because I don’t think I’m anything great. But it is what it is I guess. This next week is my last week of classes, then I’ll have a few finals and finally break! I’m definitely ready for the semester to end!!